Prey 4 / ( 11 )
The original description of Jey-san s torture chamber read something like - Apple was at work here, too. Everything was supposed to be sorted by size, slick, white, shiny. But it did not fit with the narrative of the dingy cellar that was a special personal request of mine. Originally Jaune was supposed to react full of admiration, awe and glee, which put Jey-san off. It was a funny moment, but that cut too deeply through the real danger Jaune is in right now. She bit back with snarky comments, which is fun, but not Jaune at this point in the story. All this jumbled mess comes from the fact that this chapter is written in as one of the last additions and then i changed it soooo much. Changed view points - it was told from Jey-sans perspective first, but he s really not important to the storys grande scheme. In the very beginning, Jaune did not have any scenes until L calls her at this rich dudes house where she had an assignment that played out in the background. Then I made up some scary names for Laurel to spout in chapter 2 and my mind ignited on Father Scissors.
I am one hundred percent a candidate that starts to give every last detail life if i spend too long on a project.
All in all the story is much more TwistEd now, much more in the right tone and Jaune gets some agency and some danger.